Focus on Military Families, Part Two: A School Psychologist Reflects on Her Military Upbringing

Adolescence is full of transitions, and if you’re a teenager in a military-connected family, you’re probably going to face a few transitions that others your age might not. Like many children in such families, Dr. Donna Berghauser experienced a lot of change. Some of that change was enriching. Some was painful. All of it shapes the way she practices today.

“I come from a proud military family, in which my grandfather and paternal uncles enlisted in the Air Force,” she recalls, “but my father was drafted into the Army during the Vietnam War and was the only one to make a career out of his experience. By the time I was born, my dad had already served 20 years active duty, so we fortunately moved less frequently than our active-duty counterparts while he worked as a civil servant. As a result, we only moved five times throughout my childhood.”

For the entirety of her K-12 education, she attended Department of Defense Dependent Schools (DoDDS) on military bases in Asia and Europe. 

“Looking back, there certainly was a challenging element to each of our moves, but back then, my family simply viewed them as just something we had to do,” she says. “While we were resilient, hearing news that were going to be leaving Japan (where we had lived for the past seven years) for Germany (in the dead of winter) – just as I was turning 16 – felt devastating at the time.” 

Changing schools disrupts more than just friend groups.

When students change school districts, they often discover they are either ahead of or behind students at their new school. For students with educational accommodations or IEPs, incomplete records can lead to problems getting the support they need.

“Frequent relocations (i.e., every two to three years) can disrupt academic opportunity, social ties, and therapeutic relationships,” Dr. Berghauser says. “This can mean gaps or overlaps in curriculum, missed or delayed meetings, and interruptions to critical programs or services. I know one challenge we often faced in the schools was helping them to understand different state special education policies and procedures, which are confusing for both educators and parents alike.” 

The whole family needs support.  

The student may be the one in your classroom or office, but every person in the family has experienced a major transition. You may be working with parents and siblings who are coping with extra stress, even if they’ve managed transitions many times.

“Family separation is commonplace, which can cause stress, anxiety or even regressive behaviors (especially in young children). It’s also important to recognize that reintegration itself is not always joyous, as the returning service member may have changed due to trauma, injury, or other underlying mental health concerns,” she points out. “This can lead to shifts in family roles and behavioral shifts, as well as secondary traumatic stress in youth. Unfortunately, stigma and isolation are also typical for this group, which often results in an underreporting of needs, reluctance to engage in treatment, and self-reliance for privacy. Ensuring that these families are well connected and supported is critical for ensuring that they feel seen, understood, and valued.”

You may be the key to a smooth school transition.  

“I really believe I had the best teachers. They knew how to welcome students and ensure a smooth assimilation into their classroom community (especially since moves happened to families at all points throughout the year),” she says.  “It also helped recognizing that I wasn’t the only ‘new kid,’ given that each of my classmates had gone through that same experience at some point themselves.”

Research makes it clear that the support of caring educators is a protective factor for children who have experienced family separation or deployment. Teachers can offer children opportunities to tell their stories their way—not just the hard parts, but the parts that give them a sense of accomplishment or pride (Rogers et al., 2024).

Keep the strengths and skills of military-connected families in mind.

Growing up in a military-connected family is challenging, yes. But it also builds some remarkable strengths and skills, including adaptability and a strong sense of identity.

“It’s made me a very social and outgoing person,” Dr. Berhauser explains. “I have a natural desire to connect with others, and I am confident that I can find something in common with anyone that I meet. That, in turn, has allowed me to approach problems with diplomacy and to operate from a truly global perspective. I can see things from multiple points of view, and I truly enjoy working towards a greater good. I’ve learned the world is small and very interconnected, so it’s best to be nice to others and to celebrate diversity because we all can benefit from those two simple principles.”

Educators and school-based practitioners can use the unique strengths of military-connected families to support and benefit students. “Lean into their family cohesion and incorporate family rituals and technological advances to maintain contact during deployment or prolonged separations,” she says. “Encourage military-connected families to adopt goal-directed and growth mindsets, while emphasizing a reliance on structured routines and a collective openness to teamwork to foster strength, readiness, and family wellness.” 

Collaborate with cultural sensitivity. 

Every military family has its own cultural background. In addition, military-connected families share a unique culture—one that values structure, interdependence, and to some degree, an acceptance of risk. The risk of losing friends, educational opportunity, and comfortable routines sits at one end of the spectrum. On the other end is, for many, the ever-present risk of losing a loved one.

For that reason, Dr. Berghauser emphasizes, “Educators and practitioners should employ trauma-informed and culturally responsive practices when working with these families to ensure smooth transitions, promote community and peer connections, and acknowledge their unique experience to foster belonging.”

The experience of growing up in a military-connected family brings serious challenges to children and teens. But for many, like Dr. Berghauser, it also creates strong family bonds. “No matter what was happening around me, I could depend on my mom and dad to be there for me – and I’m blessed to still have them both today,” she says. “We continue to operate as a very strong unit, and I’m forever grateful for the experiences we’ve shared together around the world.”

Dr. Donna Berghauser is a Florida-licensed school psychologist and a WPS Assessment Consultant. She hopes one day to serve directly in the DoDEA. 

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